Would that not be rather nice?  When is the last time you opened a newspaper and it had something nice to tell you about?  I imagine it used to happen all the time.  You’d open it up and it would be all like, “man lands on moon:  humans are awesome” or “electric lightbulb invented, now you can read in dark without setting house on fire” or “Pharroh discovered to actually be God, benevelent towards all subjects.”

Also, see, this one is only just a little bit about smoking.