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That freaking Pokernight

To: poker-night
From: electroblake
Subject: That freaking Pokernight
Date: Thu, 28 Jun 2007 20:07:04 -0400

A long time ago in a galaxy that was really, really far away there
were some people who did some amazing stuff. But don’t think that
you’ll every get to meet them, unless you know how to build a time
machine and also a very fast spaceship because this galaxy was really
far away. It was so far away that you can’t even see it in the sky
at night from planet Earth and it’s not because pollution and city
lights are ruining our view of the night sky, the freaking Hubble
telescope, which is in space, can’t even see these guys and the
freaking awesome shit they’re doing. You know why? Because the
light from their galaxy hasn’t even gotten to our galaxy yet. That’s
right, that freaking light from the gal drun /formation/ of their /
galaxy / hasn’t even reached our galaxy because of how light only
travels so fast and the distance between the two galaxies being so

Anyway, these guys, you wouldn’t believe it even if you saw it with
your own giant space telescope in space. Even if you did build a
time machine and a really fast spaceship and you kept sending
yourself a hundred years into the past and then traveling for a
hundred years and then going back in time a hundred years again until
you finally got there and also you had some way of keeping yourself
alive for freaking ever and then you actually got there and saw some
of this shit you’d be all, no freaking way, I can’t freaking believe
this freaking shit is for real. Let me tell you, you would not.
You’d think you’d gone space crazy from being in space for freaking
like forever and not having any one to talk or maybe you brought your
lady friend along and then you two had like a really big fight twenty
or thirty or maybe even a hundred years into the trip and the two of
you haven’t spoken to each other ever since because you’re so
freaking mad and then maybe you do too many drugs or something, you
know, plenty of ways to go stark raving mad when you’re in space.

But, just so you don’t just think I’m all talk. Just so you don’t go
to your friends at work and say, hey, this one guy, he is so full of
shit he was all about how these guys in this other galaxy are the
shit but did he give and freaking examples? Well, for example,
they’ve got this one guy, guy can juggle like eight babies and a
chainsaw with his pants on fire while singing traditional robot death
hymns. See? See?! You can’ t freaking believe it, I know you
can’t, you’re all like, but won’t the babies get scared? Won’t he
accidentally cut the babies up with the chainsaw and then forget some
of the words to the death hymn? Freaking no. Dude does it /
perfectly / every freaking time. Parents line up to have their babies
juggled by the dude ’cause they think it’s good luck to have the
babies participate in an act of such perfection at an early age.
Dude makes a freaking killing. Supermodle wife, mansion on the
beach, the whole deal. Dude is for real. Then there’s this other
dude, like the most amazing rock gardener you’ve ever freaking seen.
Angry dudes go into this dudes rock gardens all huffing and puffing
and ready to kill and within thirty seconds they’re sitting in the
freaking lotus position all meditating the freak out of the meaning
of life and pondering why there is so much violence in the world.
You can not even imagine the serenity of this dude’s rock gardens.
They are the /shit/! And nobody in the universe makes a rock garden
like this dude. Not even close. Don’t even /think/ about getting
into rock gardening if you’ve got it all in your head that maybe if
you practice at it really hard for a few years that you can be the
best there is in the whole universe. Maybe the best in the /galaxy/,
but you ain’t never going to near this dude and his tranquil as fuck
rock gardens. Pit bulls fucking fall asleep in his rock gardens.
Dudes who go in already all tranquil and shit end up freaking
levitating six inches off the ground when they do the freaking
lotus. Dude is intense.

See? Don’t you get it now? And there are like a dozen other
freaking amazing dudes in that freaking galaxy it ain’t even fair.
Those dudes ever like get together and form a team and build their
own time machine spaceships where they can live forever in while they
come over to our galaxy (and I don’t know why they would it’s so
unimpressive here compared to the action going on over there) and
they show up on this planet? No way man you don’t even want to think
about it. Planet Earth would be like, aw man, you totally showed us /
how it is/! You totally /schooled/ us! We may as well all have two
left hands and a brain compartment full of gerbils for all that we’d
be able to compare ourselves and any of our skills to them.

Freaking those guys. I tell you it’s a good thing those guys don’t
freaking show up to freaking

XX xxxxxxxxx xx. #X
somerville MA

because damn if they wouldn’t just walk away with /all/ the money
making us all look like daft fools in front of our lady friends.

PS bring cold things ’cause like hell it ain’t air conditioned over
here. (as in, “as it is in hell, dangerhouse also is not air

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