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The little red pokernight

To: poker-night
From: electroblake
Subject: The little red pokernight
Date: Thu, 5 Apr 2007 19:54:34 -0400

Billy the brown rabbit hippity hopped down the rabbit trail to visit
his friend, Samantha Fox. Billy the brown rabbit and Samantha fox
had known each other for years. They weren’t dating or anything,
that would never work out, because they were such good friends.
Sometimes they did have sex, but that was mostly only when they were
both particularly drunk and they usually didn’t talk about that.
Billy the brown rabbit had a girlfriend, anyway, who lived in Canada.

When Billy arrived at Samantha’s fox hole he discovered that her home
was in shambles! “Oh dear me!” cried Billy. “What has happened here?”

“Hi Billy!” said Samantha. “I was just having a bipolar disorder. I
was about to set my house on fire, would you like to join me?”

“Awesome,” said Billy the brown rabbit. Like most forest animals,
Billy and Samantha knew very little about fire, the effects of
drinking too much, or bipolar disorders. They set Samantha’s fox
hole on fire and then they went down to the river to visit their
mutual friend, Sarah the Ugly Duck.

Sarah the Ugly Duck had never been very attractive, but she had
developed a charming personality to make up for her unpleasant
appearance. She would also sleep with just about anyone, and that
made her a lot of friends. Sadly, though, most her friends didn’t
like to be seen with her in public. Sometimes, when they were
particularly drunk, Billy the brown rabbit and Samantha Fox would tie
Sara the ugly duck up and Billy the brown rabbit would penetrate her
from the back while Samantha Fox penetrated her from the front
wearing a strap on. They were all good friends.

When Billy the brown rabbit and Samantha Fox got to the river they
didn’t see Sarah anywhere. “SARAH! SARRAAHHHH!” they yelled. “COME
there was no reply. Samantha suggested that they should look around
for their lost friend, and Billy agreed.

Billy and Samantha looked all around the river bank where Sarah the
ugly duck lived. They could not find her anywhere! Eventually they
gave up and decided that they both felt like drinking. They knew of
a place where the smarter, more attractive forest animals would be
having a little get together and usually there was alcohol there.
They started walking up the river to the place where the drinking
was. Along the way they passed two liquor stores and the mangled
corpse of their friend Sarah the ugly duck, who had apparently been
shot by a hunter and then left to rot on the forest floor when the
hunter realized how ugly she was. Billy and Samantha didn’t stop to
pay their last respects, nor did they go to any of the liquor stores.

When Billy the brown rabbit and Samantha Fox got to the place where
the smarter, more attractive forest animals live they were astonished
to discover that the place had apparently been launched into space
and a team of bleary eyed scientists where busy chasing around a
group of killer robots that had been left behind. There was nothing
to drink at all!

“Uh oh,” said Samantha Fox, “I think I’m having another bipolar disorder.”
Samantha Fox started foaming at the mouth and went a little cross
eyed. She lunged for Billy the brown rabbit who immediately
transformed into the incredible hulk and swatted Samantha’s body away
as she lunged towards his jugular. Samantha Fox died instantly as
her spine snapped in two when her body hit a tree twenty feet away.
Billy the Incredible Hulk rampaged for a while after that, killing
six scientists and two killer robots, but then he was shot in the
side by one of the killer robots, and that hurt a lot so he turned
back into Billy the brown rabbit and ran away as fast as he could.

At that very instant the Large Hadron Collider was turned on and a
black hole much larger than anything anyone expected immediately
formed beneath Geneva, growing at a fantastic rate until, about four
seconds later, its event horizon engulfed the entire solar system.

“first hand at nine”


(XX xxxxxxxxx xx. somerville)
(bring booze you moochers)

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