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Global Warming Poker Night

To: poker-night
From: electroblake
Subject: Global Warming Poker Night
Date: Thu, 11 Jan 2007 18:51:07 -0500

I think it’s safe to say that everyone has been enjoying the
unusually warm weather this winter. Hell, we all thought it was
great when the temperature outside hit 70F on Saturday, didn’t we? I
know I found whatever small excuses I could to go outside. Oh, sure,
I *need* to walk to Porter square to pick up some hair dye from the
Japanese grocery store. It was great, but the store was out of my
brand. I like the kind with the instructions that are all in
Japanese but with very good pictograms featuring cute Japanese girls
showing you that you should spend the 15-30 minutes that you let the
bleach set in reading a book called “Cooking” with an adorable grin
on your face. On Sunday, when it hit 80F, I think we were probably
all too hung over to really notice. Then on Monday, we dutifully
wrapped ourselves up in our thick winter coats and hats and scarves
because it is January in Boston after all and then we stepped outside
to head off to work or class or the local mobsters meeting only to
step out into a sweltering 90F degrees! What a fluke! How long did
we convince ourselves that it was just one of those wacky Boston
weather tricks? When did we start to worry? Was it Tuesday, when
the record high of 97F in downtown Cambridge brought the deaths of
half a dozen homeless people and two dozen homed people who’s houses
were still wired up for heating rather than air conditioning? Was it
Tuesday when the temperatures soared into the 100F’s? Yesterday, on
Wednesday, I think most of us had realized that we were in some
trouble. Probably most of you had never experienced 125F before. We
used to get that all the time when I lived in Phoenix, but I’ll tell
you what, we never liked it. I used to drive around town in the
Grand Prix when the temperatures were that high simply because the
car had a much better air conditioner than the house did. Our air
conditioners here did not really handle it all that well. My
aquariums started to get a little too warm. Around 85 is really as
high as you want to get for most corals and other reef cnidarians.
And of course, there were more dead people. Mostly the elderly and
the homeless, again, but also some rather healthy, young people whose
systems simply could not take it. I took the day off of work and
insulated the dangerhouse basement with a layer of styrofoam about a
foot thick. Then I moved all the air conditioners down there, along
with my surviving animals, my bed, and, of course, the poker table.
There was already a music computer down there. I’m really glad I
did, too, because I don’t know if any of the fishies would have
survived today’s astonishing 312F high. Talk about frying eggs on
the sidewalk! More like baking bread on the balcony. So I’ve just
been holed up down here, hoping that maybe this heat wave really is
just a fluke, and that maybe things will cool down tomorrow. I think
I’m going to make another trip upstairs soon to bring down the beer
fridge. Maybe get a frozen bottle of gin. A deck of cards. Some
quarters. Won’t you join me? If anyone is still out there, please
do make your way to Poker Night!

“first hand at nine”

Dangerhouse is XX Xxxxxxxxx Xx. in Sweltering Somerville, MA

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