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Broken Glass Poker Night

To: poker-night
From: electroblake
Subject: Broken Glass Poker Night
Date: Thu, 4 Jan 2007 18:03:55 -0500

They shipped me a box of broken glass. Broken glass mixed with
phosphors and mercury, bubble wrap and not enough packing peanuts.
Do the phosphor coatings on fluorescent bulbs still glow when they
are excited by high energy electromagnetic radiation? I suppose if I
had built my bitchin’ Tesla coils already I would have a great
opportunity to find out. Instead I’m mostly just concerned about the
mercury levels in the kitchen.

Then again, how bad can mercury really be? Sure, I know it’s not a
good idea to do shots of the stuff, but is the amount of mercury
found inside of four four foot long T5 bulbs going to have any
noticeable effect at all on the delicate ecosystem of the Dangerhouse
kitchen? Probably most of that stuff found its way into the asphalt
of the great american highway system anyway, or is pooled up in the
back of some Fed Ex shipping delivery truck. You know dentists used
to use a mercury silver alloy to fill in cavities. Fillings, they
are called. Now a days they use some other stuff, shinier. The old
stuff was great because it would start out rather soft and liquidy,
thanks to the high mercury content, but after the holes in your teeth
had been filled in with the stuff it would mysteriously harden over
the next few days, as if the liquid component of the alloy were
removing itself from the solution. Where did that mercury go?
Probably into the patient. That’s where I would go if I were a glob
of liquid metal inside a sugar addict’s mouth. Mostly I imagine I
wouldn’t have much of a choice, or conscious thought at all, being
rather homogeneous and completely lacking the complex structures
though to be required for though production.

My dad worked in a dentist’s office for a while when I was a kid. I
remember he used to bring home globs of mercury for us to play with.
Fun stuff! You don’t really understand why they used to call the
stuff “quicksilver” until you loose a bunch of it in the cushions of
the couch or the cat bats at a pool of it sitting on the floor and
little silver spheres dart away in all directions.

The sad part is, of course, that my poor fish will have to spend
another four to seven business days living under an eight bulb
fixture with only six bulbs.

Please be mindful that the box in the kitchen marked “Caution:
contains broken glass” is not filled with delicious candy. Please
abstain from licking the floor. We advise against inhaling too
deeply (usually not a good idea anyway). If you should see a flying
spaghetti monster please inform the rest of us by demanding that we
all change seats and don’t forget to butter up your pocket watch
tonight, at POKERNIGHT!

first hand at nine.
second hand sometime around 10.
maybe ten:30.

Bring booze.
bring your cute friends.
please don’t bring our landlords.
or the EPA.

dangerhouse is XX xxxxxxxxx xx. in ecologically responsible
somverille, ma

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