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Culture Jamming Pokernight

To: poker-night
From: electroblake
Subject: Culture Jamming Pokernight
Date: Thu, 7 Dec 2006 19:54:33 -0500

I was fooled. I didn’t want to believe the stories I’d been told
about this new Formalized Slavery policy in Africa instituted by the
WTO, but searching for “WTO” and “slavery” turns up some very
convincing articles and you know, the world is just fucked up enough
that shit like that could happen and it would fly right under the
radar. The argument was of course that this new form of slavery is
completely different than the old kind, the kind we all know is Wrong
and which violates basic Human Rights. No, no. This new form is a
way for the corporations which own the slaves, because it would be
corporations, not individual farm owners or families, well it would
give these corporations a real, honest way to care for their
workers. The problem now is that your average poverty stricken
working 12 hours a day 7 days a week labourer barely brings home
enough money to pay for food and shelter for themselves, let alone if
they should have some kind of progeny that they need to provide for.
This often results in the workers getting sick, or less efficient,
leading to fewer earnings and creating a vicious cycle where
eventually I think probably the labourer dies a peaceful death laying
in a ditch in harsh weather and is welcomed into the kingdom of
heaven where they will live out an eternity of whatever it is people
do when they are in heaven. Probably they watch a lot of bowling on
the TV. But now think how different it would be if the corporation
owned the person. Now, that slave is more of an investment. It pays
to keep them in good health! It pays to educate their children (your
next generation of slave labour) from a very early age so that they
can be the very very best at sewing the little swoosh logo onto every
white tennis shoe that comes down that line. A dead slave cannot
possibly yield a return (except, perhaps, if you are able to corner
the market on medical school cadavers or happen to know some rich
fetishists who are into that sort of thing), so it only makes sense
to do everything possible to keep that slave alive and functioning
properly for as long as they can because when the slave that has
mastered the art of installing the two and a half inch colour LCD on
the video iPod dies and has to be replaced, that can disrupt
distribution schedules for weeks to come as you try to find a
replacement. It is also very clear that the good hearted
corporations which could find it in their hearts to participate in
this ground breaking new program would provide the slaves with the
food and shelter which is so often missing from the lives of non-
slave sweat shop workers. Living spaces would be small, but clean,
and food would be simple and nutritious. Because there will be no
need for social interaction between the slaves their sleeping
quarters could be shared, and the use of valuable space could be
optimized. Consider how much money is wasted by the poor who can
afford to own a bed, but then only use it for one third or less of
the day. If you run your factory’s dormitories on three 8 hour
shifts then there is no need to have any more than one bed per three
slaves. Because you will be providing them with food at regular
intervals you have removed all of the concerns that plague a sweat
shop worker during their (very limited) non-working hours and can
thus optimize the amount of productive labour you get out of each
slave. Consider if you allow the slave 8 hours for sleep, which most
of us agree is quite a luxurious number of hours to devote to such an
activity, half an hour to be cleaned and breakfasted, then fifteen
minutes for a mid day meal and another fifteen minutes for an evening
meal, you’ve got yourself an amazing 15 slave-hours per day per
slave of productive, profit turning work. Plus, in the long term the
corporation could implement eugenics programs or turn to human
cloning in order to produce workers specialized for a specific task.

But is was a hoax.

Really. I’m pretty sure it’s not true.

But one thing that is true is that pokernight does in fact own you.

and also pokernight is tonight.

great segue, huh?

first hand at nine.


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