Date: Thu, 30 Sep 2004 14:02:54 -0400
Subject: motivational story involving small woodland creatures Poker Night
Once upon a time there was a squirrel who lived in the forest. His name
was Joe. Joe liked the nuts. Joe really liked the nuts. He spent all
of his free time talking to his girlfriend, Sue, about how much he liked
nuts. Sue was also a squirrel. Sue would usually say to Joe, “if you
like nuts so much, why don’t you go get a job so we can afford to buy
some?” Joe resented Sue for this. It wasn’t his fault he had been
unemployed for two years. It was just really really hard to find a job
as a typist when your hands aren’t much bigger than most keyboard keys,
and also you don’t understand human language, the humans being the
animals who most commonly employ typists.
For a long time Joe thought that he was simply doomed to live a life
where he couldn’t afford to buy any nuts and where his girlfriend would
continually call him a slack ass bitch every time he mentioned his
fondness for them. But then he realized that he lived in the forest,
and he could just gather all the nuts that were laying on the ground and
probably nobody would complain. So he did that. And Joe and Sue lived
happily ever after, with lots of nuts, until Joe got eaten by a cat and
Sue took her own life.
Does this story remind you of your own life? Have you been talking to
squirrels about how much you like poker night, but you just don’t think
you can afford it because your hands are much too small to get a real
job? Well, friends, take a lesson from our small woodland friends. You
too are allowed to gather as many nuts as you please from the forest
floor, and then bring them with you too the blood bank and offer a few
of them to the nurse. This will endear you in his or her heart and
maybe she won’t take as much blood as usually and maybe even give you a
small bonus when reimbursements are distributed. Plus, you can eat the
nuts, so you won’t have to waste money on food that you should be
bringing with you to . . .
“first hand at nine”
DangerHouse is XX XXXXXXXXXX XX. in 100 Acre Somerville, MA.
You are invited to attend the festivities at DangerHouse during Danger
Party Weekend I! This weekends events include, The Danger Cocktail
Party on Saturday night starting at 9, followed by a Danger Brunch
Extravaganza Sunday morning, starting at 10!
Saturday: Danger Cocktail Party!
featuring all your favourite intoxicating beverages
mixed with your favourite intoxicating personalities,
with a dash of mystery
shaken, then stirred, then shaken again.
dress like you mean it.
Sunday: Danger Brunch!
featuring eggs benedict!
and Safety Cakes specially prepared by our
exchange resident Vikash, who is hereby known as
dress like you passed out at the Danger Cocktail Party
and woke up to the smell of waffles burning.