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i’m leaving the country

Date: Thu, 12 Aug 2004 20:53:08 -0400
To: poker-night
Subject: i’m leaving the country
From: surreal

tomorrow evening i’m fleeing the country!  come to poker night and say goodbye.

it all happened like this, see:

i was minding my own business coding away at work.  these two guys in
hawaiian shirts entered the building and got visitor passes.  i knew
something was up, because i work at an engineering company and nobody
wears a hawaiian shirt to engineering companies.  not even on friday.
and it wasn’t friday.  so i knew something was up.  but even if it
had been friday, i would have known that something was up, because
nobody wears hawaiian shirts to engineering companies.  not even on

i ducked under my desk when my phone started ringing.  wait, that was
in a movie.  sorry, i forget sometimes.

i kept coding.  i wanted to appear as inconspicuous as possible.  i
kept half an eye on the hawaiian-shirt wearing guys.  have you ever
tried to look at two things with one eye?  it’s tricky.

anyway, they made their way over to my office.  did i mention that i
have an office, not a cubicle?  it’s really kind of cool, but i wish
i had a window.  i mean, i don’t want to sound like i don’t appreciate
having a door, and permanent walls and stuff.  but i like windows.

they flashed some badgers.  i don’t know what kind.  i was disgusted.

turns out they were federal agents trying to cover up some huge badger-
flashing racket that currently boasts as members several top-ranking
FBI, CIA, and homeland security guys.  i guess it’s all the discipline.
it must really get to those guys.  seriously.  you’d think they could
get their kicks some other way, but when you have to lead a secret
life, there must be this little voice that says, “come on, you’ve got
to keep everything else a secret.  nobody will know.  it’s just one

these guys seemed to think i knew something about it.  like names.  i
mean, everybody knows that badger-flashing is a major thing, but as
long as the names are secret, nobody cares.  i don’t know any names,
but they seemed to think i did.  so now i’m on the run.

in 8 minutes.

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