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History of Bears and Robots Poker Night

Date: Thu, 15 Jul 2004 19:24:40 -0400
From: blake
To: poker-night
Subject: History of Bears and Robots Poker Night

Most people know about the age old battle between bears and robots.  But
most people don’t know how it all started.  I won’t pretend that I know,
either, except for the next paragraph or so.

You see, it was a million year ago, and bears and robots lived in peace
in an ancient technophillic paradise probably somewhere on the moon.
But all was not well.  Prince X7994 of the Robots had fallen deeply in
love with Ursa, of the Bears.  Prince X7994’s manufacturers were
appalled, for the prince was supposed to marry the princess Y8807, one
of the most efficient off all the fem-bots, sipping mere milliamps from
her miniature fusion power supply and operating at a cool 250 degrees.
Princess Y8807 also had the most complex limb articulation of any of the
royal fem-bots.

Princess Y8807 was quite a catch, by any metric, and it was generally
assumed that Prince X7994 must have had a subroutine unexpectedly quit
to fall in love with a bear with such a fine machine lined up to become
his progeny assembly associate.

Ursa, of course, (the bear) was very jealous of the Princess, because
she was very much in love with the prince and couldn’t help but feel
that one day the prince would wake up from his maintenance checks and
realize the it was completely illogical to fall in love with bears,
which do not possesses so much as opposable thumbs and therefore are
completely impotent when it comes to matters of progeny assembly.

Ursa decided, illogically because she was a bear and not a robot, that
the only way to stop her sweet prince from ever leaving her was to kill
Princess X7994.  She hatched a plan, involving a nuclear bomb, a can of
fish, and a bucket of red paint.

“Look, a bomb!” Ursa cried, after she had snuck into Princess X7994’s
personal chamber.  Having caught the princess’s attention, she threw the
bucket of red paint, covering the princess in a matte latex finish.
Ursa then dashed out of the room and stopped to eat the can of fish,
pleased at having killed the princess.

Being a robot, Princess X7994 was of course none too pleased with being
covered in red paint.

Then some aliens landed in the middle of the city and started shooting
laser beams.

Then probably the bears and robots started hating each other because of
the aliens.

I’m pretty sure that’s how it happened with Israel and Palestine, too.

it’s poker night.






in Somerville.  where the cool kids are.

“first hand at nine.”

beer, gin.  needed.

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