Skip to content

Crazy aliens teach mankind to dance poker night

Date: Thu, 15 Apr 2004 20:06:42 -0400
Subject: Crazy aliens teach mankind to dance poker night
From: blake
To: poker-night

It was a dark and stormy night.  All the school children had died long
ago and were laying in the streets, their rotting, smelly bodies
wreaking havoc on traffic.  Those who could still afford gasoline
couldn’t be bothered with cleaning up the mess, but since they all
owned giant sport utility vehicles anyway they didn’t mind.  It was,
fun, actually, they finally had a reason to use that curious “four
wheel drive” mode they’d always wondered about.  But the homeless, the
clowns, and the out of work teachers were not so lucky.

Yes, some hungry hungry teachers had tried living off of the flesh of
the perished young, but the Internet provided few decent recipes, and
the school teachers, renowned for their lack of creativity, could not
for the life of them figure out how to adapt mother’s recipe for celtic
quesadillas to use schoolchildren meat instead of hamburger.  And
clowns are vegetarians by nature.  The homeless just got their food at
the shelter, and looked to the slaughtered children only for sexual

After about two years the world had settled into a new normality.  The
bones of the children had been removed during a heroic public works
campaign by the new president of Earth, a three legged alien from the
moon who’s people had decided it was time to crawl out of the rocks and
take over their ancient home after twenty million years of self imposed
exile in the astonishingly lush and pleasant hollowed out center of the
moon.  The rich now rode along the clean streets in sulkies with
elaborate child bone detailing drawn by disillusioned school teachers.
Sure, there were plenty, PLENTY, of one and two year olds all over the
place, but you can’t very well teach a two year old the multiplication
tables.  The alien overlords were kind and gentle to the people of the
Earth, feeding them a mix of protein syrup and hay, making them fight
with knives, and imposing a strict eugenics program upon the human
population that would one day produce supple young teenagers capable of
performing the most astonishing dances for the entertainment of the

Then one day all the aliens died.  Some kind of crazy virus that lies
dormant for a few million years.  The astonishing supple teenage
dancers weeped gracefully.  With no audience left to enjoy their
engaging exhibitions of heartbreaking prancing about the human race
perished for their reason to live had been taken from them by tiny
invisible enemies called “germs”.

But a few of the humans who had never quit got the knack of dancing did
not drown themselves with their own tears.  Instead, the banded
together to form a new, less graceful society which prided itself on
its ability to consume heroic portions of fermented beverages.

And then, there was,

Poker Night!







Dangerhouse is XX XXXXXXXXX XX. #X in funkytown, USA.  (aka, somerville)

Bring stuff, you moochers!

Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared. Required fields are marked *