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poker night is going to eat you

To: poker-night
From: electroblake
Subject: poker night is going to eat you
Date: Thu, 20 Apr 2006 19:23:22 -0400

Little Jimmy was the world’s most perfect boy.  He always washed his
hands after using the restroom, even if he only took a pee.  He ate
all of his vegetables.  He helped old ladies cross the street and he
always said please, thank you, and you’re welcome at the appropriate
times.  Little Jimmy was just the right size for his age.  Not too
short, not too tall.  He wasn’t fat, and he got just enough
exercise.  Little Jimmy had nice skin, and had a healthy attitude
towards women.

Little Jimmy’s parents were so very proud of their little boy, but
being close to perfect themselves they hardly ever bragged.
Occasionally, mostly on holidays and at family gatherings, Little
Jimmy’s mommy would have a little too much to drink, and then she’d
go on and on about how *perfect* her little boy was and what a good
mother she was for raising such a perfect little boy and what perfect
genes she and her husband must have to have spawned such perfection.
The rest of the extended family considered occasional binge drinking
to be one of those adorable little imperfections that made Little
Jimmy’s mommy so personable and so much more exciting to be around
than most of the other perfect people they knew.  Very very rarely,
she would even take her shirt off and dance on the table top.  One
time, at the family reunion when Little Jimmy was 7 she danced
topless on the table top in Little Jimmy’s grandparents house at 2:30
in the morning when all the young kids were supposed to be asleep,
but Little Jimmy had gotten up to get himself a glass of milk and
stumbled into Nana and Papa’s living room to find quite a spectacle!
Why, it seemed that his aunts and uncles, and most of his older
cousins, had all lost some of their clothing and everyone was very
cuddly with each other, and there was mommy, dancing on the table
without a shirt on and holding daddy’s bother’s face up against her
private area.

Little Jimmy used to like it when he would get a little scared at
night and go crawl into Mommy and Daddy’s bed and Mommy would kiss
his forehead and ruffle his hair and tell him everything would be
ok.  Then she would put her arms around him and he would feel so
comfortable that he’d fall right asleep and have the nicest dreams.

Little Jimmy continued on into the kitchen and got himself a glass of
milk.  He drank that milk, and then he went back to bed.  He thought
about Mommy’s arms wrapped around him and he fell right asleep.  The
next morning Little Jimmy asked his mommy what was going on last
night and she told him oh, that’s just something grown-ups do
together at family reunions and that he’d understand when he was
older.  There were a lot of things like that in the world, so Little
Jimmy didn’t think about it again.  Little Jimmy was so good.  He
drank all of his orange juice, and ate two pan cakes plus some
toast.  Then he went out to play.

When he was older, Jimmy was appalled  to find out about

Poker Night!
tonight!

at

Dangerhouse!

“first hand at nine”

Dangerhouse is XX XXXXXXXX X XX in incestuous Somerville, MA

and remember:
only perverts, children, and married people have sex with people
they’re related to.

bring booze!

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