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As if it weren’t enough to simply welcome you into our home with open arms and engage you in stimulating game play.

Date: Thu, 22 Jan 2004 17:01:11 -0500
Subject: As if it weren’t enough to simply welcome you into our home with open arms and engage you in stimulating game play.
From: blake
To: Poker-night

Well hey!  Let’s answer some PokerNight fan mail!

First Message:
Dear DangerHouse, Poker Night is great, and I love sitting around the
table and loosing all my money, but how come when I wake up the next
morning I have that weird pregnant feeling?
-Expecting Trouble

First Answer:
Dear Expecting, as we have explained to you dozens of times now, that
weird pregnant feeling you get when you wake up the morning after a
Poker Night is called a hangover.  Here’s a helpful rhyme to help you
tell the two apart:
When your head’s a’  hammerin’
it’s from drinkin’ lots of gin.
When your period’s too months late,
It’s from an irresponsible date.
-DH

Second Message:
Dear DangerHouse, I keep having unprotected sex with anonymous men that
I meet in Internet chatrooms.  I really like it, but it’s been giving
me these terrible hangovers.  More like one big hangover that’s just
been getting worse and worse for about six months now.  And I’m getting
really fat, and there’s some kind of robot in my tummy that wiggles
around and gets in the way sometimes when I’m having unprotected sex
with anonymous men that I meet in Internet chatrooms.  Also, I haven’t
had a period in a long time.  I mean, it’s great because I’m saving all
kinds of mad cash by not having to buy tampons and then I have more
money to loose at PokerNight, but it’s kind of strange, huh?  Can you
recommend a good hangover cure?
-Horny for Hangovers

Second Answer:
Dear Horny, we find that the best hangover cure around is about half a
month’s supply of birth control, taken all at once, followed by a swift
punch in the gut.  This should also take care of that pesky robot.  In
two or three days, he’ll fall right out.  Be sure to inform your
anonymous lovers that they may be in for a bloody surprise.  Some guys
are into it.
-DH

Third Message:
Dear DangerHouse, It is true that you can get pregnant from sitting at
home alone on a Thursday night and watching the television?  Even if
you’re not drinking beer?  I always thought that you had to drink a lot
of beer to get pregnant.
-Confused and Sober

Third Answer:
Dear Confused, It actually is true that you can get pregnant from
sitting at home alone on a Thursday night and watching the television.
Drinking beer can actually help prevent pregnancy, though.  Studies
show that men aged 18 to 35 who drink seven or more bottles of beer a
night almost never get pregnant.  They do tend to get fat, though,
which many people confuse for pregnancy.  The best thing to do is to
avoid staying home alone on a Thursday night and instead come to

POKERNIGHT
TONIGHT!
DANGERHOUSE!
“first hand sometime between nine and eleven”

Bring Gin, or we’ll abort you.

Dangerhouse is XX XXXXXXXXX XX. #X in surprisingly pregnant Somerville,
MA.

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