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Dawn of the New Millennium Poker Night

Date: Thu, 1 Jan 2004 16:56:29 -0500
Subject: Dawn of the New Millennium Poker Night
From: blake
To: poker-night

Greetings, fellow Earthicans!  If you’re like me, you’re probably
suffering from the most terrible hangover you’ve experienced since
about two or three days ago.  You probably remember labouring over an
ice cold shaker and tediously convincing a lemon peel, which was
perfectly happy with its previous living arrangement, wrapped around a
lemon, that how it really wants to be is curled up in a neat little
spiral and soaking in about four ounces of ice cold gin, after
pleasantly misting the surface of the gin with the fragrant oils locked
within its organic structure.  But after that it probably gets a little
hazy.  As in you woke up late this afternoon with the haunting
suspicion that there should probably be a very large dry martini
sitting on your night stand because against all odds it turns out that
you made your way to your own bed last night and even performed such
important bed time ritual as the brushing of the teeth and the taking
off of the pants before passing out, so though there is plenty of
evidence to suggest that perhaps those four or probably five ounces of
really good gin did actually make it into your blood stream, such as
the not remembering of events which were very likely to have actually
happened, the fact that such events which seem very likely to have
actually happened probably did actually happen suggest a level of
sobriety that does not usually accompany very large martini’s at three
or probably four in the morning after a very silly menu spattered with
similarly but not quite as large martinis, bottles of the choicest beer
brewed by the Magic Hat corporation, a bottle or so of not too bad and
actually rather good dry red wine of some kind from the State of
California (probably), and some very terrible champagne that I don’t
think was ever actually conceived as something that was meant to be
opened or really even purchased but rather as an answer to the age old
question that haunts large event planners across the world which is,
“can you get a bottle of champagne for under five dollars?”  The
answer, it turns out, is yes, but you probably don’t want to.  Now,
you’re probably all wondering about that very large martini I’ve been
going on and on about, or you’ve already skipped to the end of the
message to the bit that summarizes the real meaning of this message at
the bottom in a few concise but less artfully arranged words because
somehow you haven’t quite caught on yet that the message is actually
the very same every god damned week, but we’ll leave that for the end,
and we’ll call this sentence foreshadowing.  It turns out, the very
large martini did the honorable thing, and it made its way right past
my sense of better judgment and incorporated itself quite nicely into
my bloodstream.  Or, at least, this is what the evidence seems to
suggest.  That evidence being that the cocktail glass was found empty
save for the twist of lemon peel.  And it turns out the very large
martini was only half very good gin, and was half very good vodka, as
we had already run out of gin.  Very sad.  There’s a lesson in all of
this though, and that lesson is:  Bring large quantities of gin to
Poker Night if you want for there to be enough gin to get everyone who
wants to get plastered on gin plastered on gin.

I’m pretty sure that’s it.

Now I must go and supervise the drilling of a hole into the bottom of
an empty Sapphire bottle.

In short:

“first hand at nine, last hand at nine”

(in the morning)

Dangerhouse is XX XXXXXXXX XX. #X in sunny Somerville Massachusetts.

Beer is also acceptable.

I’m talking to you specifically, Jeramy.


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