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Area Safety Villians issue Warning about Danger of Poker Night

Date: Thu, 18 Dec 2003 17:29:41 -0500
Subject: Area Safety Villians issue Warning about Danger of Poker Night
From: blake
To: poker-night

Since the dawn of time mankind has looked to the stars for for
financial independence.  After all, every grammar school student knows
that the stars are full of gold.  And oil.  That’s why they’re so
shiny.  Gold and oil.  Yup.  So what we want to do is build us a rocket
ship that will fly us to the sun, so that we can set up drilling and
mining operations.  It’s probably not such a bad place to live, either.
I mean, it’s the center of the solar system, so once these other
planets get their acts together and develop thriving metropolitan
civilizations you know the Sun’s going to end up with the biggest space
port of them all.

The joke here is that the sun isn’t really full of oil.  Think about it
people, the sun is on fire.  It has been for as long as I can remember.
Even if there were like a billion gallons of oil, you know it would
have all burned up by now!

I just got a telephone call from Christian.  You know, the red headed
hoser.  He’s not going to be around a computer and wanted to know if
there was going to be a poker night tonight.  Fools!  THERE IS ALWAYS
POKER NIGHT.  Use this handy reference:

if( DangerHaus )            //check to see if DangerHaus exists
if( today = Thursday )    //check to see if today is Thursday
while( index <= sizeof(poker_night_email[]) )
printf( “%c”, poker_night_email[index] );         //print poker night
index++;                                //if it exists
poker_night = TRUE;        //there is poker night.

Anyway, so Christian isn’t going to get to read this fabulous email, so
I get to make fun of him.  Man, that kid’s got some red hair.  He used
to be goth, you know.  And, um, one time, he said this thing, and he
thought it was all funny and shit, and it totally sucked.  And he has
cooties.  And he runs like a girl.

So I think a good solution to the Israeli-Palestinian conflict would be
to cut the holy land in half and give one half to each of them.  Then,
ultimately, one of them will say, “That sounds completely reasonable,
perhaps we won’t be killing each other all the time if we’d just accept
each other as neighbors, let us divide the land equally, it will
probably make whatever got we worship happy.”  And the other will say,
“oh no, I could not bear to see the holy land cut in half, I will
simply move my people to a new holy land on the sun, where there is
much oil and gold, and my people will start worshiping another god, the
god of the sun, who will bless us with much oil and gold, and our new
holy land will be the shit, and we’ll be stinking rich, and then, after
a brief period of intense cultural growth and enlightenment, we will
build a fleet of giant space robots and genetically engineered
bear-sharks and we will take over all the planets, except for Earth,
who we will simply refuse to trade with.”  And then you know that the
holy land should go to the second group, the ones who couldn’t bear to
see it split up, because I read in the bible this one time where some
king cut a baby in half because these two ho’s both claimed it as their
own and the baby died like a lot more quickly than you might expect and
nobody was happy except for the king, who then ate the baby and turned
the split in half baby skull into a fashionable pair of ear muffs.

Plus, as we’ve gone over before, the sun isn’t really full of oil.  I
asked a scientist.

So hey, I know, let’s all get together and those of us who are cool can
sit at the big kid’s table and throw quarters and cards all around
while the losers who just show up to socialize yell and scream and run
around like amphetamonkies.

Bring all your quarters.  If all you’ve gots are 20’s, better stop
somewhere and get those exchanged for small bills, or be prepared to
win big or loose big on your first hand.  You know where a good place
to exchange 20 dollar bills is?  It’s the liquor store!  Terribly
convenient since you’ll be stopping there anyway to pick up booze.


first hand at nine


Dangerhouse is XX XXXXXXXXX XX. #X
Somerville, where it’s Somer all year long!

Help help, I’ve become a nerd.

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