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Kill the Pesky Alien Poker Night

Date: Thu, 13 Nov 2003 15:23:19 -0500
Subject: Kill the Pesky Alien Poker Night
From: blake
To: poker-night

So there’s this alien who’s really been getting on my nerves lately.
He stops by the house around noon every week day, when the rest of the
house is either at work or asleep and he goes straight for the fridge.
He usually helps him self to a cold one, and then hangs out in the
control center.  He likes to talk about how fast his space ship can go,
how many hot chicks he’s probed, and what kind of sweet bribes he’s
getting from the FBI to stay away from the press.  I’m like, whatever.

His mom totally bought him that spaceship, and he did *not* make those
engine modifications himself.  The thing’s a piece of crap, really.
Half the time it won’t even start, and it’s still primer coloured from
when he was all psyched to paint it fire-engine red with flames on the
sides, like a year ago.  Not that there would be much of a point,
anyway, the thing’s heat dissipation field is so shot it usually glows
hot read and catches fire when it’s re-entering the atmosphere anyway.

And these supposed “hot chicks” he’s been probing, I happen to know for
a fact that one of them was actually a cow from a large midwestern
cattle farm.  I guess he is an alien, but still, probing cows doesn’t
seem like much to brag about.

Oh, and the bribes from the FBI:  as near as I can tell these are
composed of a single tour of the White House (it wasn’t even private,
they made him dress up in a granny wig and a purple mu-mu with little
white flowers on it to make him blend in with the crowd!), a sheet of
“FBI” window decals, and a box of Grapenuts (I think he just stole it
from the convenience store).

So whatever, some alien likes to come hang out at DangerHaus, no big
deal.  Except I’m usually hard at work in the control center, arming
robots with lasers or rebuilding GCC or writing the poker night email,
and he just won’t leave me alone!  He has the gal to complain when
we’re out of PBR, incessantly, and I’m like, “look, you come into my
home, you drink my beer, you were never invited, all my friends think I
made you up as a cover for my alcoholism, and you complain when we run
out of PBR because you just drank them all?!  Why don’t you bring us
some fancy Space Beer, eh?  Where’s the Romulan Ale?  The Tleilaxian
Gin?  What good are you?!”  He usually just helps himself to some gin,
vodka, or whatever else we’ve got.

Anyway, I can never get any work done when he’s around.  He’s just so
annoying.  I hate him so much.  I’m going to try to get him to come to
poker night tonight, and if he shows up we should all gang up and beat
the crap out of him.  I talked to the FBI, they say it sounds like a
good plan, and they’re sending some of their guys in disguise.  They
say if we hand over the corpse we get our top five choices from the new
witness protection brides/bondage slaves program.

So if you want the chance to get yourself a hot new bondage slave with
a troubled past, be sure to grab your money (preferably in small bills
and quarters, unless you want to pull the “I bet twenty dollars” bit on
the first round of the first hand and then fold), grab some booze,
maybe a deck of cards and a couple of animal things, and head on over
to:

POKER NIGHT!
TONIGHT, at
DANGERHAUS!!

(which is)

XX XXXXXXXXX #X
Somerville!  Where all the cool kids live.

First hand at 9:00

Also:  Prepare yourself for:  A very Dangerous Thanksgiving!  Staring
all your favourite Dangerhaus residents, and all the miserable
taggers-on you’ve come to loath.  Also:  Food!  There will a turkey, a
couple of animal things, some beer, maybe a cheesecake, some crap made
from plants, something made by gonj, one’a them big old crazy things
that gives you indigestion, fly girls, killer robots, and scary clowns,
probably.

Followed by:  Poker Night!

As we like to say:  “Come for the feast, stay for the yeast!”

Plus more!  probably

And you will all be happy to know, that despite this totally obnoxious
alien (who’s currently up trying to wake up gonj, probably, you know,
so we can lug about 500 kilograms worth of laser-thingys out of the
dining room to make room for YOU!) I’ve just managed to successfully
make and install GCC 3.3 and the avr-libc.  Finally.

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