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no subject (i hate the rock)

Date: Thu, 16 Oct 2003 17:50:16 -0400
Subject:
From: blake
To: poker-night

Back before any of you were born a man could walk into a convienence
store and order himself a triple shot of espresso, disposable sex toys,
and an alcoholic hooker.  What they don’t teach you in those fancy
schools of yours is that the confederation of American states was
actually run by pirates, and they would have won, too, if it hadn’t
been for the aliens in congress and their damn telepathy.  My left foot
has seven toes!

Worship me, for I am full of goo!  No one has any idea where I hid the
crackers!

Ahem, but we’re better now.  much better.  we can see things, too.
shiny things.  I like shiny things.  but now the shiny things are
having sex with my daughter!  the rock says that’s normal.  i hate the
rock.  the rock says i should not hate the rock.  but i hate the rock
so i don’t care what it says.  i think i was asleep.  i woke up on the
green couch.  it was late.  maybe i was dead.  but we’re better now.
much better.  we can see things.  things that sparkle.  they look like
angels.  but the rock is doubtful.  what happened to my daughter?

CAN’T YOU PEOPLE SEE THAT I’M TRYIN G TO EA TA DE LICIOU S TAC O?  HA S
AN YONE S EENF LUF FY!  I DONT L IKE I TWHEN THE LI TT LEDOC TORS TAK E
MYP ANTS A WAYFROM ME!  DOY OU WAN TTO RU NAWAY WI THME TOAN ENCHAN TED
ISLAN DCASTL E?  WHYY ES I THI NKTH ATW OU LDBE DELIGHT FUL!  WE COU
LDHAVE GREA TFUN BEFO RETHEY CAT CHUS WITH THE SMALLER LIFE FORMS.
maybe they never would catch us.  i think i was on the green couch.  i
didn’t know it could fly.

once, for no reason, the great expanse of nothing exploded into a giant
cloud of something and an equally large cloud of anitsomething.  some
people took this as incontrovertable proof of the existence of god.
some people eat EVERY DAY!  if you don’t stop touching me i’m going to
turn you into a giant moth.

the rock says it is thursday.  i hate the rock.  watch me use my powers
of inflection against it!  damn.  I NEED THE RED CARD!  please send $5
and a self addressed stamped envelope to:

POKER NIGHT!
tonight
“first hand at nine”
dangerhaus

nobody likes it when you cry

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