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Poker Tonight!

Date: Thu, 31 Jul 2003 16:49:07 -0400
Subject: Poker Tonight!
From: blake
To: poker-night

People often ask me if I have any words of advice for young gamblers.
Well, I’ll tell you what, I’m just going to tell you all the things I
wish I’d known when I was still a bright eyed and bushy tailed young
gambler.  The things they don’t teach you in poker school.

Now, many young gamblers prepare for a game by filling their wallets
with only a limited amount of money.  This is foolish.  Ten dollars
won’t get you anywhere in a game where you end up putting in several
dollars each time you stay in to the end.  Sure, sometimes you may get
lucky, and if ten dollars is really all you have then it’s more likely
that you will, but usually you’ll loose that ten dollars in the first
half dozen hands and then you’ll have to spend the rest of the evening
in the losers’ room waiting for your high rolling designated driver to
clean up at the winners’ table hoping that he doesn’t whip out the
title to his car which you happened to notice sticking out of his back

Always pretend that you are winning.  Everyone expects winners to win.
Nobody expects losers to win.  It’s just the way it is.  Think of
yourself as a loser, you will most likely lose.

Some coins have mystical powers.  Your average half dollar has about a
dollar fifty worth of luck in it.  Golden dollars and Susan B.’s have
about two dollars worth of luck.  An Eisenhower dollar (the big
fuckers) will almost certainly win the hand for you if it’s bet before
the flop.  Coins made of real silver (date on the coin is less than or
equal to 1964) cause a frenzy around the table.  A silver coin will
make you loose if you don’t bet them, and you’ll loose consistently for
weeks if you pocket the sucker before the night is over.

People who bring beer, liquor, and other consumables are more likely to
walk away with more money than they started out with.  People who win
big and then don’t bring anything the next week loose.

Having a miscarriage immediately after placing a large bet (five
dollars or more) will convince the other players that you are bluffing.
This is one of the more difficult tricks to master, and it’s hard to
pull it twice on one night.

While consulting other people about your hand is generally discouraged,
new players should feel free to bring along sock puppets to consult
about betting strategies.  Most players believe the button eyes of your
average sock puppet to give the puppet prescient vision.  While this is
generally not the case, consulting a sock puppet can give a new player
the appearance of really knowing what they are doing.

Nobody cares about your opinions.

If a player bets more than two dollars during the final round, they are
surely bluffing.  Unless they aren’t.

Well, that’s about it for this week.  Email your questions to
“Dangerhaus@XXX.XXX” and if you’re lucky, your questions and concerns
may be addressed in next weeks email.  Unless we end up just writing
about aliens, fetuses, dildos, nazis, Safety Villa,  alien nazi dildos
at Safety Villa, Safety Villa dildo fetuses, Nixon, or the draft.

Word to your mother.



“first hand promptly at 9:00”

Somerville, MA

by T:

get off at Davis,
exit College Ave.
Right on XXXXXXX XXX, walk until you hit the XXXXXXXXXXX Roundabout.
Go down XXXXXX XX.
First left onto XXXXXXXXX.

new transportation options!

Take the XX bus from Harvard station directly to the XXXXXXXXXXX
Take the XX bus from Lechmere station directly to the XXXXXXXXXXX

other buses that stop at the roundabout include the XX and the XX.

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