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The More Things Change

Date: Thu, 29 May 2003 16:11:55 -0400
Subject: The More Things Change
From: blake
To: poker-night

Hey Kids,

It’s Thursday, that means it’s time for another exciting Poker Night at
DangerHaus.  Now, as I’m sure some of you are aware, this week is
pretty special.  For all of you cheeky MIT undergrads you took your
last final sometime last week and by now you’re probably getting sober
enough to read again.  Some of you, I understand, are even graduating
in a week and a half.  Hey, good for you!  I’m sure you’re very excited
about finding a real job where you get to go in at nine in the morning
every weekday and you can finally start wearing a tie every day without
everyone making fun of you.

Now don’t be forgetting your old pals at DangerHaus once you start
pulling in the mad cash.  Remember all those nights when you found
yourself stumbling through the streets of Somerville, lost and
confused, unable to focus your extremely dilated eyes on even the most
attractive Catholic School Girls?  And then some kind soul from
DangerHaus would find you, say, “hey!  buck up chum!” and drag you to
the liquor store to help you exchange your measly UROP earnings for
wonderful crystal clear bottles of Gin and so much beer you had a hard
time carrying it all back to DangerHaus by yourself, and maybe you
wouldn’t have been able to if it weren’t for that very same kind
DangerHaus resident, kicking you and screaming at you every time you
broke step while marching up College Ave.

Ah yes, so many of you have been touched by what we like to call “The
DangerHaus Experience.”  Just think how many of your close friends have
also been forced to lick our kitchen floor clean.  How many others have
spent more than one consecutive night tied up and gagged in Matt’s
closet?  Where would you be now if we hadn’t broke into your room the
night before your most important final and set your bed on fire?

Don’t you be thinking that just because you’re graduating you have to
leave all that behind.  In fact, I recommend you don’t even think about
it.  We have certain photographs I don’t think most of you would like
to have sent to your parents and loved ones.  And most of you already
know about the remote controlled tazer implants.

So let us not think of this being a time of change, of moving on, or of
making any sort of progress towards your eventual freedom.  No, my
friends, things will always stay the same.

Poker Night

“first hand at nine”

“Bring booze,
or else.”

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