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no subject (Alien Abduction)

Date: Thu, 15 May 2003 10:55:19 -0400
From: blake
To: poker-night

Well, I was abducted by aliens again last night.  This shit is getting
out of control.  I mean, at first I thought it was pretty cool, you
know?  Like, how many of my friends have ever been abducted by aliens?
But now I get abducted just about every night!  It wouldn’t be so bad
but I’m loosing a lot of sleep because of it.

Alien abduction really isn’t like what the media tells you.  There
isn’t, for example, any horrible anal probing (well, maybe just a
little bit of anal probing, but they got me pretty hammered first and
after you get used to the way they look–you know, all waif like and no
nipples, big green eyes and pouty little lips–well lets just say some
of them are pretty fucking  hot . . . and afterwards I got to do a
little probing of my own, if you know what I mean), also they don’t
strap you down to a big examining table (well, ok, they do–but come
on, bondage and “probing” go hand in hand, and it’s not always me who
gets tied up.  I remember this one time I woke up in the middle of the
night and surprise surprise, where do I find myself but onboard the
spaceship, except there were no aliens in the room, just a video screen
displaying short clips of teenaged girls probing themselves while
surrounded by aliens in cheerleader outfits cheering and waving their
pom-poms about.  It was pretty hot stuff, but after a couple of hours I
started to get a little board watching it so I started to explore the
place.  I heard some muffled noises coming from an adjacent room and as
I approached the door I noticed a leather whip and a six pack of probes
on a nearby  end table with a little note reading “we have been very
bad.  -the aliens,” and just then the door opened to reveal the probing
room with all of the aliens tied down to the big metal tables . . .),
and I’m pretty certain they don’t go around mutilating cows (really).

So last night I wake up in the middle of the night, I’ve been abducted
again.  This really hot alien hands me a beer.  The disco light is
going and Cornelius is blasting out of the stereophonic sound
reproduction system.  These aliens, I’m telling you, it’s a non stop
party ship.  I guess that’s what a species gets once it’s mastered
space and time.  I’ve asked them to use their time machine to transport
me eight hours into the past before but they always say they need to be
more sober to use it.  All my teachers are getting tired of my excuses
for sleeping through class.  “Abducted by aliens again I see” they say,
I try to explain to them that I have no control over when it happens
and that I’ve tried to get them to cut back on how often they abduct
me, at least during the term, but they don’t listen and my professors
thing I’m crazy or lying.  If they keep this up through finals week I
don’t know that I’ll be able to pass any of my classes this term.  Then
I’ll probably be asked to take some time off.  The aliens would
probably like that, though.  They’ve been talking about how nice it
would be for me to move in.  They’ve even engraved my name into one of
the probing tables.  I guess it’s nice to be liked.

Anyway, they are looking for some new subjects.  Usually they just pick
them up at random but they like me so much they thought it might be
better to just meet some of my friends.  I just want to warn you guys,
they know about Poker Night and they plan to come disguised as humans.
If someone you’ve never met before starts asking you questions about
motion sickness and you allergies just be aware that it’s probably an
alien who just wants in your pants.  Also, the same is true if you see

Poker Night


appartment #X

“first hand at 9:00”
Texas Holdum

Bring beer and other
fine consumables,
you mooches.

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