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Protest! Tonight! For No Reason!

Date: Thu, 27 Mar 2003 15:53:30 -0500
Subject: Protest!  Tonight!  For No Reason!
From: blake
To: poker-night

Has something about the world been bothering you recently?  Do you find
your mind consumed with rage over something trivial, like the number of
green M&Ms in the M&M cookies your grandmother makes, the amount of
time it takes you superfast cable modem to download one measly
pornographic DiVX, or maybe the terrible number of wretchedly obese
babies you have to wade through every morning on your way to work?  Do
you feel like nobody cares about your personal opinions regarding Gulf
War II, the strategic merits of your Scrabble strategy, or Hitler?  It
seems like all of us have some stupid little thing to complain about
these days.  I personally just unwrapped three rolls of quarters and
didn’t find a single silver one!  Not even a silver plated quarter!

Sometimes the world just doesn’t agree with the way you think it should
be.  I mean, honestly, wouldn’t it be great if one nipple were an “off”
switch, and the other an “on” switch?  And then maybe when the nipple
bearer were in “on” mode already the “on” nipple could be a fast
forward nipple?  And if the nipple bearer were in “off” mode already
the “off” nipple could be a “progress frame by frame” nipple?  I mean,
wouldn’t that be far superior to the system we’ve got now, where one
nipple seems to be the “yelp in ecstasy” nipple and the other seems to
be the “slap nipple tweaker in the face because I’m not in the mood”
nipple?  Oh, sure, the “yelp in ecstasy” nipple is nice, and I would be
sorry to see it go, but the problem with nipples in this poor wretched
world of ours is that they tend to be the other kind.

And another thing, why do scientists have to be so lame in this world?
I mean, in my fantasy world that I try to live in whenever at all
possible we’ve got flying cars that can make it from New York to San
Francisco in under an hour on one rotten potato!  The moon has no fewer
than 17 luxury hotel-casinos and two dozen sketchy ones!  And to get
there all you have to do is catch the free shuttle rocket that leaves
every other hour on the every other hour outside of the old folks home!
Oh sure, there are some side effects to gambling on the moon, like the
roulette wheel balls have to be made out super-dense, radioactive
ununoctium, but that just means the old geezers and I get a lovely
“sun” tan while watching the pretty bouncing ball.  And also, I always
win.  And also, therefore eventually I win enough money to buy all of
the luxury hotels, and then a little bit more to by the two dozen
sketchy ones!  And then I own the moon!  Bow down to your all powerful
Moon Lord!  I say Bow!  Except I *am* the Moon Lord, and nobody gives a
flying fuck in this “real” world, because once again science has shown
itself to be a fucking pansy ass (as in, not homosexual, just gay)
uppity pretentious looser boyfriend who can’t get it up when it counts,
even with the whole god damn world jiggling its tits at it.  And with
Mars shaking its ass like there’s no tomorrow.  I mean, honestly, does
that planet have no shame?  It’s like a fourteen year old, bending over
all naked and with tits just starting to poke out, spreading its cheeks
to show us what it has to offer and those lame ass scientists just
don’t give a fuck!  Oh, no, they’d much rather sit around in their
basement “laboratories” watching Beakman’s World and cloning themselves
and their stupid, sickeningly loyal dog-beasts.  As if this stinking
world didn’t have enough dogs already!  Meanwhile horny little Mars is
sitting there all alone in outer space with her knickers off, wiggling
her ass at us, and she’s just spread grape jelly all over her genitals
and now she’s starting to finger herself!  But do our scientists care?
Oh no, they’re much more interested in how a yellow bacteria can
transmit a plasmid to greyish bacteria that makes the greyish bacteria
turn yellow!  Yay!  Isn’t that fucking fabulous!  Let’s kill all the
wretched dog beast clones and roast them in celebration!  Genital
herpes for everyone!

Alright, so maybe I got a little off topic there.  Still, I think it
illustrates my point.  The world we live in sucks, and we are powerless
to do anything about it except complain loudly.  And loudly we shall
complain!  So this was supposed to be an invitation to a protest.  You
know, like a good old down home hippity yippity lay down in traffic
protest?  Except, instead of it being in public, it’s at our house!
Like, a special private protest!  Like, “Hell no, we won’t go!” except
no one will be asking you to go!  Yay!

In conclusion,

You are cordially invited to our Protest.
This evening,
During the event known to the World at Large as PokerNight
at DangerHaus
Which is
XX XXXXXXXX XX. #X
Somerville, MA
O2144

Texas Holdum
Bitches
Booze.

Which can be gotten to by:

First:  Obtain consumables!  Give to DangerHaus!
DangerHaus Love Beer!  DangerHaus Love Gin!
DangerHaus Hate balloons shaped like monkeys.

Taking the T (with a circle around it) to Davis Square (Red Line)
You will be presented with two choices for exits,
Here is an easy way to remember which one to take:
You probably either go to College, have gone to College
or know someone who goes to or has gone to College.
You probably don’t live in Holland, have not lived in Holland,
and don’t know anyone who lives in Holland.
Turn right onto XXXXXXX Ave (oh!  another hint!)
Walk walk walk down to the historic XXXXXXXXXXX roundabout
XXXXXXXXXX square is the location of the XXXXXXXXXXXX where
the revolutionary army kept its nuclear arsenal.
Take the XXXXXX Exit off of the roundabout.
XXXXXXXXX is your first left.  #XX is just past the local minimum in
topology.

If by other means, extrapolate.

Cheers.

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