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Date: Thu, 27 Feb 2003 17:58:01 -0500
Subject:
From: blake
To: poker-night

My dear friends,

There are a few issues I’ve been having with a lot of you and I feel
that it’s time to clear things up.  I’m sorry for letting it come to
this.  I hope we can all still be friends.

*  Whoever keeps on leaving the door to Chuckle’s cage open at night,
you’re a fucking asshole.  That fucking monkey wakes me up every
morning two hours before I need to get up by injecting street grade
crack cocaine into my peacefully sleeping veins.  Do you know what it’s
like to wake up every fucking morning to find a screaming monkey in
your bed?!  Do you?  And the worst part of it is, YOU CAN’T STOP
DANCING!  Fuck.  It’s just not funny anymore.

*  For the love of god, can we please, please find another place to
keep the acid?  I mean, are we really so fucking paranoid that we not
only need to keep it hidden in the Tea Cabinet, but we also need to
carefully insert several tabs into random bags of tea and then seal
them back up so that it’s virtually impossible to tell which bags are
the regular tea bags, and which are the ones that cause the demon
hellspawns to dance naked on the fishtanks?  I mean, not only is it
fucking inconvenient to find yourself drooling on the floor of some
mall out in Framingham surrounded by corpses and with no way to get
home when the last thing you can remember is how your Earl Grey tasted
a little funny that morning, but it’s also a waste of perfectly good
acid.

*  I really don’t appreciate it when people steal condoms from me, but
I appreciate it even less when they bring them back when they are done.
It’s really not safe or pleasant to reuse these things people.  I
don’t care how carefully you reseal the package.  If I have to pay for
another fucking abortion because of some sicko’s super-sperm tainted
condom, I’m going to fucking engineer my own super-sperm and I’m going
to cover every god damned dildo, vibrator, and cucumber in the house
with it.  Then we’ll see who gets pregnant.  Yes, then we will see
indeed.

*  Yes, it is poker night tonight.  Look, not all of us are perfect,
ok, sometimes some of us can’t remember that the reason we were sitting
in front of the computer filling ourselves with gin was because there
was an invitation we were supposed to be writing.  Sometimes we get
distracted and stay up till eight or nine in the morning watching
Futurama reruns and never write the silly email.  And what, you people
can’t fucking remember that Thursday = Poker Night?  Jesus people!
Nobody needs a reminder that Monday = Go Back to Work/School Like a
Fucking Tool of The Man Day.

*  Bring Beer.

Hugs and Kisses!

Blake

DangerHaus
Poker Night
Tonight!  9:00PM

XX XXXXXXXXX XX. #X
Somerville, MA  02144

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