Skip to content

Song of the Poker Duck

To: poker-night
From: electroblake
Subject: Song of the Poker Duck
Date: Thu, 24 Aug 2006 18:56:57 -0400

OK kids. Today we’re going to talk about the MetaSploit Framework,
the Help America Vote Act of 2002 and my favorite book, “SHELLS:
Guide to the Jewels of the Sea.”

The Metasploit Framework is an open-source framework for writing
computer exploits. It was written by this guy HD Moore. I don’t know
what he looks like, but in my universe HD More looks like some
beautiful silvery goddess with magic blue sparkly hair. I am going to
pretend that he’s not some overweight computer nerd who needs a tan.

So HD Moore says to President Bush, Wow. You people are actually
putting America’s voting system on computers?” And President Bush
says, “Kom Pu Ter?” And HD Moore tosses his blue silvery shiny hair
back and says, “I am going to make a magick computer virus that will
infect America’s voting system and makes it look like we re-elect
you!!!” And President Bush says “Sweet!”

Where am I going with this? Oh yes. This may all seem very surprising
to some of you, because nowadays HD Moore is on the side of the L33t
intellectual hackers and goes to BlackHat and Defcon and drives
around in a black shiny car and all of our computer nerds drool at
the mouth. But really to get deep and philosophical, back in the day
we were all one and the same, Republicans and Democrats, Rush
Limbaugh and Leet h4ck0rz, black hats and white hats and long flowing
blue magic hair hats. This was before computers were invented.

Then God invented computers. And there was only one computer. And God
put the computer in the Garden of Eden with Adam and Eve. Eve had
long blue flowing hair and sparkly eyes with long eyelashes. Adam was
a skinny white computer nerd with glasses and bad breath who liked to
play Kingdom of Loathing. Or would have, if it had been invented.

And God said, I’m going to put this computer here in the middle of
the garden, and you kids can’t play with it.

And Adam and Eve said, OK God. Because they hadn’t ever turned on a
computer, and they didn’t know what it could do.

And they went about their business. Eve went to the mall. Adam
chopped wood and worked on steam engines for a living. And they got
by.  They also wrote a lot of things on paper.

Then one day Eve was on her way to the mall looking for sparkly blue
hair products, and she ran over a snake in her car.  Oh no! She said,
because she had never killed anything before.

Then Eve ran over a porcupine. And a mongoose. And a crocodile.
Bigger and bigger the roadkill got.  She careened all across the
Garden of Eden. Then she ran over Adam’s favorite lionfish. Adam was
so upset! He said, I’ll get you Eve! And he ran over to the computer
to throw it on her. But Eve was faster and zoomed at the computer,
intent on mowing down Adam and the computer and all of creation and
everything in it.

And she did.

And then God decided it was time to”



First hand at nine.

Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared. Required fields are marked *