Subject: Giant Cockroach Farming Pokernight in Space
Date: Thu, 3 Aug 2006 21:48:15 -0400
So there I was, in space, thinking about lobsters. Those lobsters
sure are tasty, I think. Well, I can’t really remember. I think
they taste pretty good. Just big bugs that live in the ocean, I
guess. Well, the ocean is nice. We don’t have the ocean in space.
You people on the Earth, you don’t know, the ocean is pretty nice.
Cockroaches, though, are gross. But a lot the same as the lobsters.
Just big bugs. I guess lobsters are bigger than cockroaches. Think
that’s the only difference? Anyone eat cockroaches? I don’t think
so. But why? I guess they aren’t very big. I’ll bet those little
hoppy birds taste pretty good too, but nobody eats them, except for
cats, because they’re all bone and organ, not much meat on them,
probably not worth it unless you’re very meticulous, like a cat, and
cats like to eat little hoppy birds, and mice, and probably cockroaches.
That’s when I got the idea. It was because I like cats, you see. I
respect their tastes. I’ve never eaten a little hoppy bird, but I
once had a steak off of a giant rat from the wild depths of the New
York subway system. It was ok. Like cow, but without that beef
flavour. Really took the barbecue sauce well. Well, so I thought,
if people are going to go crazy about giant rat meat (which I may
just be imagining) then imagine how insane they will go for giant
cockroach! The land lobster, I’ll call it. They’ll love it.
But the cockroach’s body structure doesn’t scale very well. There is
a reason, my soft bodied friends, that we haven’t been invaded again
and again by giant super intelligent cockroach armies. It’s their
legs, their tiny little legs. If you scale everything proportionally
then their legs become too too thin to support their body mass. it’s
true. We went through several generations of super giant cockroach
before we came up with what, in retrospect, is clearly the obvious
solution. We began raising the giant cockroach specimens in space,
where the gravity is often weak, and even more often not there at all
(at least not in any noticeable fashion). The giant space
cockroaches grow quickly. Within a month our space station was over
run with four foot tall insects with a third grade reading level.
Unfortunately they were not very good at running the space station,
but when we finally got hungry enough to slaughter one of them good
old Pugly turned out to be quite tasty!
So, there we had it, we would raise giant space cockroaches and sell
them to the Space Tourism industry for incredibly inflated prices.
We would be rich! At least rich enough to pay back the debt we’d
accrued renting this stupid space station. I don’t remember how we
ended up here in the first place. I guess it seemed like a good
idea. I mean, everyone likes space, right?
Did we genetically engineer these cockroaches?
Or did they do it themselves?
probably doesn’t matter.
I’m pretty sure it’ll be a hit.
Tastes just like lobster.
mixed with chicken.
All good space tourists will enjoy delightful giant space cockroach
boiled alive (they scream!) with space mouse butter space lemon
sauce. You can too! At.
“first hand at nine!”